cause of weakness?

i'm not sure if i'm just being paranoid or overly cautious but i'm wondering if the woman i went to have ARP treatments didn't somehow suck my strength outta my arms with this one device which kinda rolled over my muscles and i think it made weird noises. i'm not exactly sure of the purpose of sucking strength outta arms? i don't really remember feeling any stronger after she did my treatments. i remember actually feeling stronger after tram did ARP treatment on me a long time ago though. she claimed her assistant would call me to set up more appointments and i haven't received a call in about a month. these people are more concerned about money than a person's health. when i say "these people" i mean the lady who gave me ARP treatment and my trustee. my trustee also because she tried explaining to me that i wouldn't be able to take the trip to mexico and i might be able to take a trip next year.. when brian was my trustee, i took a trip EVERY year. somehow it's different now? they work for the same damn bank and i wanted to take the trip for my birthday because i've never returned to the place where i was BORN (chichuahua, mexico). i tried to explain that it was even more significant to me because i wanna take the trip on my FORTIETH birthday but my trustee didn't seem to give a fuck. so i'm a weak moron who people think they can just work whenever they feel like it. good thing i see my psychologist tomorrow because i'm holding back tears frustratingly typing this out. bet the person responsible for my tbi doesn't have to worry about whether he's ever gonna get to drive again and if he can take trips.. oh can't forget, whether he's physically strong enough to perform simple activities. i lift weights and do the stretches i was given EVERY single day. i also walk up and down the hallway of this apartment for 15 minutes EVERY day. it doesn't fuckin pay to do anything anymore. people continue to underestimate me anyway. it's times like these where i wish i was ACTUALLY drinking when i was in the car accident i was in. i don't drink beer- the smell of the shit makes me gag.. but i'm pretty sure that's what tim was drinking during our accident and i'm sure he would've given me some- he more than likely offered. IF i HAD been drinking- the alcohol would've paralyzed my immune system like it did to tim's and i more than likely wouldn't have came outta the accident with a tbi.. i'm not really sure of what happened to the car in the area of the car that i was in.. so it's either my immune system being paralyzed by alcohol (similar to the driver's experience) or i would've ended up like the guy in back- who died.. but at least i wouldn't have to deal with jackasses telling me i can't do things when i CAN and i've went through driver's behind-the-wheel training paid outta pocket because stupid courage kenny claimed i needed to pay for lessons after i failed their stupid driver's behind-the-wheel test and then i took the damn ridiculous excuse of a rehabilitation center's behind-the-wheel test again and the fuckers still failed me- claiming i needed more therapy. I AM MORE AMBULATORY THAN SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE I'VE SEEN DRIVING VEHICLES. they can go FUCK THEMSELVES- I DO HAVE BETTER FUCKING THINGS TO DO WITH MY LIFE BESIDES HAUL MY ASS TO SOME "REHABILITATION CENTER" DOING THE SAME DAMN MACHINES THAT MY FUCKIN LIVING ROOM WALL COULD OPERATE AND MINDLESSLY THINK I'M ACTUALLY GETTING STRONGER EVERY FUCKING DAY. THAT SHIT DOES NOT WORK ON MY DAMN BALANCE IN ORDER FOR ME TO WALK. brian lies to amy and denies he paid for any lessons. i should see if i have any emails from a long time ago to prove it. i wish i would've died in the accident. naive, entitled parents of the reason why i got my tbi and almost died can call me "ungrateful" OR WTF THEY WANT. calling me "ungrateful" will NOT make you look better to our creator. it won't erase your sins. gonna have to try something else in order to make up for ULTIMATELY being responsible for the victims of your son's foolishness. attacking the victims and calling them "ungrateful" will NOT help your fate. i guarantee that.
as i sit here thinking about it.. i'm gonna tell amy that if i can't take that trip to mexico for my birthday- i want another bank to handle my money. amanda is probably laughing at me now, saying i'm too stupid to find a new bank or financial institute to handle my money. if that's the case- i also want a new "advocate" because your naive ass has been NOTHING but a weight on my progression in life. i'm not kidding either. my grandma naively CLAIMED that "amanda has all these plans for you when i die! she's gonna get you living in new york and make sure you get your driver's license back along with a vehicle you can drive!" has she done ANY of that? HELL NO.